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Post by ♥Charlie on May 7, 2009 21:24:54 GMT -5
m y p a r e n t s c a l l m e . . .
[She frowns.] Parents? I don't see why it's any of your concern what my parents used to call me before I...broke ties with them. [She eyes you for a few seconds before continuing.] In other words, it's none of your business. [She stares off into space for a second, as if recalling something.]
Her full name was Aurora Joanne Velasquez. Her first and middle name were the only ones that truly belonged to her; they were the names her biological parents had given her, and she got to keep them, even if she didn't get to keep her parents. The couple that had adopted her had given her the name Velasquez, and she hated it. Throughout her young life, she wished she could get rid of it, but it continued to cling to her, no matter what.
m y f r i e n d s c a l l m e . . .
[She chuckles to herself a bit, a smirk remaining on her face before she finally answers.] Heh, "friends." I don't really have many of what you would consider "friends"; just "acquaintances." And said "acquaintances" usually just call me "Mars," or "Commander Mars."
Of course, there were also few more...degrading nicknames she had received from said "acquaintances" -- like "Spike" or "Spiky" from Saturn -- but, obviously, she decided against mentioning those.
i ' m n o t a n i t ! i ' m a . . .
[This question raises an eyebrow for the Commander, before she gives you a strange look, probably wondering if it was really necessary to ask that, or if you're blind.] Obviously, I'm a female, and I've always been a female. Never once during my life have I even considered being a male either. Does that answer you question?
i a m a . . .
[At this point, she appears to be getting either bored or irritated with the seemingly pointless interview, or perhaps a mixture of both. Her head rests on he palm of her hand, while the fingers of her other hand begins to drum against the arm rest.] In case I haven't already clarified that in one of the previous questions, I am a Commander of Team Galactic. [She looks at you, awaiting the next question, obviously not going to elaborate any more.]
i d o n ' t n e e d w r i n k l e c r e a m ! i ' m . . .
[Her drumming immediately stops as you finish the question, the woman furrowing her brow as her eyes narrow, wondering if you were seriously asking the question, or if it was some sort of stupid joke.] I hardly think I'd need any wrinkle cream, considering I'm only twenty-five. [Her expression remains a bit wary, wondering what other strange questions you were going to throw at her.]
d o y o u t h i n k i n e e d a d i e t ?
I certainly don't think I need a diet. I'm in perfectly good condition, and not at all overweight.
[She sits up straight once again, folding her hands in front of her once more while she uncrosses her legs, then crossing the other one.] As for my appearance, I'm pretty average in height, and I usually wear my Team Galactic uniform, which is a long-sleeved dress that comes down close to my knees. The skirt is rather...cone-shaped, I guess you could say, and is completely white. The upper half of the dress is mostly a dark gray color. From my collarbone down is completely white, like the skirt, aside from a single dark gray line that runs down the middle of it. There is also a golden Galactic G on the front and the back. Below the skirt are tights that are also dark gray until they reach my knees, which is where they shift to white, matching my knee-high boots.
This shade of red is actually my natural hair color, which seems to surprise many. I carefully style it this way every morning, making sure the bangs stay together, the top and back is spiked properly, and the sides are curved inward. Some find it rather strange, but personally I think Kitty-Head's hairdo is stranger. [She smirks.]
m y e m o t i o n a l d i s p o s i t i o n ?
[She seems slightly surprised that this isn't like many of the strange questions you had already asked, but says nothing about it, and instead relaxes once more in her chair.] My "emotional disposition"? I'm not exactly big on showing my emotions to others. I probably seem to pass off as a rather cold-hearted bitch to quite a few people, which is probably true. [She smirks.] I'm only interested in seeing that Team Galactic's ultimate goal is reached, nothing more, really. So I tend not to care about those who get in the way of allowing that dream to become a reality.
Of course Mars did have emotions, though she usually just kept them to herself. She had experienced many times what could happen if she were to let her emotions get the better of her and control her actions. Usually, the consequences were pretty severe. Therefore if anything tried to take control of her, she kept it locked away until it eventually faded away.
t h i n g s t h a t a r e g r o o v y
Groovy? [She raises an eyebrow at the word, but shrugs it off before thinking about the question for a few seconds.] Hm, I suppose I like it when a mission is a success, of course. I also enjoy it when I'm in charge of something, which means I can keep mistakes from happening. If something does go wrong, well, there will obviously be consequences. I also enjoy training my Pokemon, and defeating those who try to stand in our way. [She smirks a bit.] Of course, I occasionally enjoy arguments with Saturn, which I usually win, of course.
t h i n g s t h a t a r e n ' t s o g r o o v y
[She frowns a bit at the second mention of the world "groovy," but brushes it aside as she answers.] Things I dislike? Hmm... [She ponders this for a few seconds before continuing.] I suppose failure is at the top of that list, whether it's from me or anyone else on the team, though the latter is more likely, of course. Not only is it irritating, but it also sets us back from reaching our ultimate goal. I'm also not really on the best of terms with the other Commanders, especially Charon and Jupiter. I also dislike losing an argument with Kitty-Head, but that, of course, is rare.
b u t . . . i ' m a f r a i d !
[She frowns.] Afraid? If I were afraid, I wouldn't be a Commander, now wouldn't I?
Despite her response, she definitely was afraid of one thing, if nothing else: water. You read that correctly. Due to a certain event from her past, the Commander has been afraid of any water too deep enough for her to wade in.
i l i k e t o . . .
[She sighs.] Like? Didn't we already cover that? Well, as for hobbies, I guess, like I said before, I enjoy training my Pokemon in my spare time. I also tend to enjoy working on my appearance. I have to look my best after all, right? [She smirks again.] When I get to chance, sometimes I like to mess with Kitty-Head.
m y r e a s o n ?
My reason for being a Galactic Commander? [The smirk reappears.] Isn't that obvious? I want to assist Cyrus in creating a new world, a world much better than the current one. That's the only reason I need.
m a n d a t o r y a n g s t
[Her smirk instantly fades, and is replaced by a scowl assisted with a glare.] My past is none of your concern. [Her eyes shift to the side, staring at the wall behind you as her memories overtake her.]
Aurora never knew her parents. They were killed when she was at a young age, and she was actually quick to be adopted by a new couple, the Velasquezes. When they took her under their wing as one of their own, they had seemed wonderful, treating the young redhead with the utmost love and care, and Aurora was constantly smiling and happy.
Then suddenly, everything changed.
The Velasquezes changed. No longer were they the kind, loving parents the young girl had come to know, but turned colder. Aurora had no idea why. At first, she tried to remain her usual, cheery self, though the new Velasquezes seemed to find this annoying, and she was often yelled at and scolded harshly for her actions. Then one day, the girl was bouncing around her adopted father's feet, trying to get him to play a game with her. She ignored the glares and scowls he was given her, until finally his hand flew out, leaving a red mark on the side of her face. He shouted at her to go up to her room. Once inside, she was locked in until the next morning.
A few years of this, and eventually Aurora had also completely changed. No longer was she the bouncy, happy girl she had previously been. She was quieter, and avoided people when she could. Once she started school, she usually lurked in the back, watching the others with silent eyes. No one really noticed; they were too busy with their friends to notice the quiet girl in the corner. At least, not for a while.
Once Aurora had gained the ability to read, she became quite fascinated with books. She enjoyed any she could get her hands on, no matter what it was. Books became her new best friends, and she engrossed herself in the world within the pages, not paying heed to the others around her. That is, not until she was around the age of ten, which was when she got put in the same class as a certain girl who finally noticed her. From that day onward, Aurora was bullied by the girl and her small group of friends, who seemed to gain nothing but amusement from her suffering.
At first, it was nothing too severe. They just gathered around her, making fun of anything they could about her. They made fun of her tattered clothes, her love of books, and anything else they could think of. As long as she had a book in her hands, though, the redhead could ignore most of their jeering.
Finally one day, the girl in charge of the small gang snatched the book Aurora was reading, flipping through it and scanning the pages, jerking it away whenever the girl made a grab for it. Finally, she proclaimed loudly about how boring it was before tossing it to a friend on the other side of the room. When Aurora got close to her, she tossed it across the room again, and this continued until the item ended up back in the leader's hands. Smirking, she took a handful of the pages once the redhead approached her and ripped them out, letting the paper litter the floor before throwing what remained of the book in the trash can.
Something inside of the girl snapped that day, and she shoved the surprised girl to the ground, wrapping both hands around her neck and squeezing as hard as she could. It didn't last long before her friends came to her rescue, pulling Aurora off and holding her tightly as their leader stood up, rubbing her neck and glaring at the girl, who glared back defiantly.
"I think you need to be taught a lesson," the girl growled, approaching the trapped ten-year-old while cracking her knuckles.
Aurora didn't go directly home that day. Despite the rain that was pouring from the sky, she stopped by an empty field, settled herself down on the wet grass, and cried for a while. The girl remained undisturbed until she felt something brushing against her side. She jumped, but soon found out the brush was merely a shabby-looking Glameow, probably a pet that had run away or been abandoned. Its blue eyes stared up at her expectantly, and she slowly reached out a hand toward it. The feline rubbed her head, then neck, then side across the girl's palm, and the girl quickly found out that the Pokemon was covered with burs and ticks.
There, in the empty field in the middle of the rain, a strange friendship was formed. As Aurora set to work on improving the feline's looks, which the Pokemon didn't seem to mind that much, she formed a sort of bond with the Glameow, and was disappointed when the cat-like Pokemon suddenly jumped from her lap and scampered off, leaving the girl with no choice but to go home.
From that day forward, Aurora visited that field after being caught an beaten up by the bullies and before going home to have to deal with her parents. That Glameow always showed up there, and always seemed to pick up new burs and ticks for the girl to pick off. Eventually, she began to talk to the Pokemon about her troubles, scratching the feline behind the ears every now and then. The feline, in return, would listen to her and purr before it got up, rubbed against the redhead once more, and bounding off. Sometimes, Aurora would bring some food, which, of course, the feline enjoyed. Eventually, said feline was dubbed "Deimos," since Aurora needed something to call it. She had seen the name in one of her books, and it was the first to come to her mind when she decided to give the feline a name.
These little chats helped Aurora through six more years before thing got even worse. A storm had swept in, and Aurora, not wanting to return home just yet, sat on the bridge just a little ways east of her hometown, staring at the water rushing by. The river was starting to flood, and she could hear it lapping against the bottom of the bridge, but she didn't want to leave just yet. Footsteps on the wood finally made her look up, and she came face to face with the very bullies that had tormented her for years. It seemed that they were bored, and looking for some enjoyment.
A couple of them jerked her up and held her, though it wasn't necessary anymore. She just stood there and took the hits, used to the usual beating by now. But this time, that didn't seem to be enough.
The leader grabbed a fistful of her crimson hair, jerking her head up and locking eyes with her. A small smirk appeared on her face as Aurora glared at her defiantly.
"You need to be taught a lesson," she sneered as her buddies stepped away from the girl and she let go of her hair, placing both hands on either shoulder instead before giving the teen a hard shove. Aurora stepped back once, then twice, but the third step met with nothing but air before being greeted by the rapidly-flowing water.
Aurora couldn't swim; she never learned. So once she had fallen in, the current quickly pulled her under and dragged her along with ease. Fear coursed through her as she fought to surface for air, though every time she tried, she'd just be pulled under once more....
The next thing Aurora could remember was waking up to a room filled with white. The sudden light made her shut her eyes again and slowly bring a hand over them, trying to shield her them from the light as she slowly opened her eyes once more. Once they had adjusted, she sat up in the bed and looked around, confused.
At that moment, a nurse had walked into the room, quite shocked to see her up at first. She explained that someone had found her in the river, and, upon realizing she was still alive, took her to the nearest hospital. She also mentioned that her parents had already been contacted, and were coming to the hospital before she was called away by a doctor.
Aurora didn't hesitate to leave that place. She had slipped away quickly before the nurse -- or anyone else for that matter -- could return, and in a matter of minutes, she was outside, running as fast as she could back to her house. First making sure her parents weren't home, she slipped inside, dashed to her room, and began throwing everything she thought would be needed into a bag. She zipped it up, threw it over her shoulder, and snuck into her parents bedroom, snatching any money she could find.
The only time Aurora paused to think this through was when she was a few feet outside of Floraroma. Was this too rash, too hasty? She glanced back at the only place she had known all her years. Rarely had she ever been outside of her hometown, so was this decision wise?
Aurora jumped as she felt something brush against her legs, but upon looking down, she saw the same Glameow that had stuck with her for six years. She tried to shoo it away, but it refused to leave. Finally, she just knelt down before it, staring at the feline for a few moments before speaking.
"I'm planning on leaving here," she said. "Do you intend to follow me?" The Glameow just stared up at her with its blue eyes. She sighed. "Alright, then. I suppose a Pokemon would be useful."
The teen turned away from her hometown and stepped into the unknown, her only companion being a shabby-looking Glameow. Eventually, she did get a Poke Ball for Deimos, and not that long after, and eventually, the Pokemon evolved into a Purugly.
It was several years after leaving home when the redhead first met Cyrus. When she heard of his goal to create a new world, she thought he was crazy at first. However, as he explained it more, it slowly began to make sense to her. Everything he said was right!
When he asked for her name, she told him the first thing that came to her mind: "Mars. My name is Mars."
[She quickly remembers where she is and clears her throat and sits up again.] Let's move on.
o h a n d b y t h e w a y . . .
I can't think of anything else I want to add.
Something Mars wouldn't admit would be the fact that, even though the incident where she nearly drowned was years ago, she is still completely afraid to get too close to deep water, even if she refuses to show it, and, because of that, she still can't swim.
i ' m j u s t a p r o x y f o r . . .
[Mars turns back to her computer as you leave, maximizing her work and continuing to type. She fails to notice a certain brunette who was peering through a nearby window disappear from view, sliding a notebook and pen into her pocket as she smirks. Charlie leans down and mutters something to the Pidgeot she is kneeling on. The large bird nods before flying away from the Galactic building.]
h e r e ' s s o m e o f t h e i r w r i t i n g !
The woman's crimson eyes stared at the very town she had run away from all those years back. So many things had changed since then for the town and for herself as well. She had shed her name long ago, and now went by the alias "Mars." Not only that, but she had joined Team Galactic, and now she was one of four Commanders.
One of the mentioned Commanders was here as well, though he hadn't joined her to stare at the town. She was alone, save for a large feline that sat beside her, also remembering her old home, and remaining there until a grunt rushed up to the redhead.
"Commander Mars, we're ready to go," he reported.
"Excellent," Mars replied, smirking to herself. She turned away from the town, giving her attention to a building not too far away from where they stood. Valley Windworks was what it was called, if she recalled correctly. Their mission was to take place in there.
"Where's Charon?" the Commander asked, turning to the grunt once more.
"He's with the others, ma'am," he reported.
"Good. Go back and join them, and wait for my signal," she instructed. The grunt nodded and dashed back to where the small collection of grunts and the other Commander, Charon, awaited for her signal. She frowned when thinking of the other Commander, wondering why she had to take him on the mission as well. She was pretty sure she could handle something as simple as this by herself, but the orders were Cyrus's, so she didn't question them.
The woman held the microphone of a small communication device to her lips before speaking into it. "Everything alright on that end?"
"Affirmative," came the response, Charon's voice sounding from the earpiece of the device.
"Excellent." Her smirk reappeared. "Move out, then."
The power plant was surprisingly easy to take over. Most of the workers had fled, but a small handful had been kept and tied up. Charon had already gotten to work on extracting the energy they needed. Everything was going smoothly.
That was until one of the workers had spoken up.
Mars was giving orders to a couple grunts when he looked up, squinted at her, and said, "Hey, you look kinda familiar." She froze as he continued. "Yeah, I kinda recognize the hair color...and the voice, kinda."
"Gag him," she muttered to one of the grunts, her expression remaining stoic, though her true emotions were far from it.
"Wait, I do know you!" the worker exclaimed, his eyes growing wide in realization. "Ain't you Au--mmph!" Before he could finish his sentence, the grunt had stuffed a cloth in his mouth and tied it tightly around his head.
"You two go back out and make sure everything is going as planned," the Commander ordered. Both nodded and immediately obeyed, closing the door to the room where the captives were being held behind them. Once they were gone, Mars looked the man straight in the eye.
"Listen," she said, a bit venomously, "I am not anyone you know, understand?"
The man quickly nodded, obviously intimidated by her tone as well as the glare she was giving him. Mars smirked slightly at this before the door opened, a grunt standing in the doorway, panting as if he'd just run a marathon.
"C-Commander!" he gasped. "Intruder!"
Mars frowned, following the grunt outside as he spoke of some really tough trainer that had beaten him, then somehow broken into the power plant.
"Charon, are you almost done?" she asked, raising the microphone to her lips again.
"I just need a little bit more," he replied. Mars frowned. They couldn't fail a mission as simple as this. She wouldn't let that happen. If the grunts couldn't handle a single intruder, then she'd have to deal with it herself.
The Commander wasn't expecting the intruder to be a mere child. She frowned, wondering how the grunts could have lost so easily to a kid, but pushed that thought away before smirking and plucking Deimos's Poke Ball from her hip.
"I'm impressed that you could get past all those grunts," she said, "but I'm afraid I'll have to stop you now." [/blockquote] [/blockquote] |
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Post by Gary on May 8, 2009 13:44:24 GMT -5
So, I see where you're goin' here, and it's lookin' pretty good. However--you muuuuust read over your work. I see typos right and left here, quite silly ones, that I'm sure you could have caught if you just skimmed over what you wrote.
Also--you reference what's happened in the anime, and Ash & co. Unfortunately, Ash & co. have barely started their journeys at this point in the forum. So you'll have to leave that part out.
I'm also not positive about the voice you're using here. From what I saw in the anime, Mars isn't so, erm... excitable? She's more calm and collected because she's a part of a badass organization and she has power.
I'm also surprised she never mentioned anything about Jupiter. I read on Bulbapedia that the two have a mutual disliking for each other, so perhaps you could have at least listed her in the 'dislikes' section?
I would also enjoy it if you extended on her history somewhat, and maybe went more in depth with the other answers here, as well. I'm not seeing as much of Mars' character as I would like--this is your chance to get deep into the nitty-gritty of Mars' character and to really understand her.
The 'oh and by the way' section should be completely Mars speaking. It's a chance for her to tell us something about herself... Think of a creative way for her to hint that she likes Saturn or something if that's what you want it to be about. Get creativeeeee!!!!!
Also, I didn't even read your roleplaying sample. If you're not satisfied with it, then I won't be, either. Just type up a new one that will make you shine.
I do appreciate the effort you put into this, but I would *LOVE* to see more! Even though Mars isn't developed on a lot, there are still aspects of her that are apparent in the anime and games, so I'd really like for you to capture that and build on it.
So please take into consideration what I have said and fix up this app for me and tell me when you're ready again? If you don't agree with something I've pointed out, then please tell me and we can discuss it (:
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